This Is Nothing or It’s Your Death

A few weeks ago a friend of mine died of cancer. He was diagnosed a few months after me in the early winter of 2020. He reached out asking for advice on chemotherapy — I did the same thing before starting treatment. I wanted to know all the tips and tricks, and former patients were happy to get on the phone with me for hours as I soaked up every last detail (bring a blanket, get an iPad, take CBD). I was happy to do the same for him. He had a rare cancer too (not the same as mine). We were in this fight together. As the months passed I became NED (no evidence of disease) but he worsened. The chemotherapy wasn’t working, the radiation wasn’t enough. Then, around late summer he told me the doctors had started discussing palliative care. In other words, he wasn’t expected to make it very long. When he spoke of his losing battle he did so with grace and strength. He said he would keep fighting. He was always thankful for small victories and his resolve reminded me to be grateful for mine. He died in October. His death hit me very hard. His Twitter and his Twitch were still active. It’s like he was still there but he was gone. His survival time from diagnosis to death was less than one year.